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We all want to remember the good times, such as when you said "I love you" and sharing some laughter and good cheer with loved ones. The last thing on your mind should be thinking about what to say to someone who is dying. We know death is part of life, and our loved ones' happiness and health depend on us. Unfortunately, the time will come when we have to confront their death and move on with our lives afterwards.
Very few of us know how to offer support to someone who is dying. We may have a lot in mind about what you would like to say to your loved one, but when it comes to doing it, we can be lost for words.
Preparing in advance what to say to someone who is dying will help for sure. This way, you will not leave anything out.
Also, you will be able to prepare yourself emotionally. People tend behave very differently once they are aware they are close to dying. Do not be shocked to find them either depressed or joyful as they will go through all kind of mood swings. You may not even recognize them at times.
The best way to prepare yourself for any notable changes is to keep on reminding yourself that they are still near and dear to your heart. Use a moment of the happier times you shared with them if you feel overwhelmed by what is happening.
To avoid any feelings of regret and worry that you have left something out, make a list of things to say and take it with you. Call it your cheat sheet, as it will help you overcome any discomfort of what to say to your loved one who is dying.
Besides being ready on what to say, you must also be prepared to hear them out. In some cases, people who are busy dying become talkative. In other instances, they cannot speak much as they are busy processing what is going on at that moment.
All too often, we offer words of comfort based on what makes us feel comfortable. But when those dear and near to us are at the end of their life, we should focus on their needs rather than our own.
Tackle practical duties: On certain days, the person who is dying may worry less about themselves and more about how to settle matters regarding what they wish to leave behind for their loved ones. They may have a favorite plant, a pet, or family heirloom they want to give to someone. Listen to what they have to say and offer to make the necessary arrangements to make it happen.
Provide physical assistance: This can take the form of having caregivers offer comfort by rendering physical aid where needed. It could be something like adjusting their bed or turning the room temperature up when they feel cold. How about bringing their favorite treat to them or applying special lotion to their skin?
Taking care of spiritual needs: Often, those who are dying wish to come to terms with issues that were left unresolved. They may want to meet with a family member they did not get on with in the past, so they may lay to rest any discrepancies or hard feelings. As a close family member of the person dying, you can accommodate their request and make it happen.
Meet emotional and mental needs – When your loved one who is dying, ask you certain questions that may seem uncomfortable to address at first, be the first to address any fears or concerns they might have and let them know they can call on you anytime.
It is just as important to know what you should not say to someone who is dying as it is to know what to say. There might be some sensitive issues or topics you need to address, like how they want to be buried.
Even though it is a topic you are within your right to bring up, let the person who is dying state how they feel about it without being judged by you. Besides, you love them and only want the best for them at this stage of their life. Allow them to meet their fate in a way that they feel is appropriate.
For the sake of the loved one who is dying, do your best to get along with other relatives who will also be visiting the dying person. You may have issues with a cousin or sibling, but the deathbed is not the place to harbor resentments. Do not speak down to each other in front of the loved one who is dying.
Last but not least, be there for your loved one during his or her final hours. Celebrate their life and talk about the good times, reassure them of your love and do not forget to say goodbye as it is one of the most important things to say to someone who is dying.
That's all for today.
Take care, keep mom safe and have a great day!
Winn
I am a Doctor of Physical Therapy and have been working with the 70+ age group for over a decade. I will share my knowledge and experience to give you ideas to care for your aging parents. Read more >>